Chicago, IL- Well it's official the stars have spoke, the EP Suites in Chicago's Boystown is THE hotspot for celebs, people in the know and just wonderful folks in general!!!!! Just last week EP was host to famed photographer, and newly married, David Turner, www.davidjturner.com. If you too are thinking about enjoying a beautiful stay here, book fast! Spots are going like mad!
EP-Suites is conveniently located in Chicago's fabulously lovable Lakeview neighborhood and is in the heart of Lakeview's Boystown. Just minutes from the lakefront, downtown, Wrigleyville and any other cool place! Free room available April 1 to Sept. 30. (Exclusive for residents of Minnesota only; (or Florida, if your name is Riki; London, if you're name is Eleise.)
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Sad and Wrong
In watching the news there are numerous things that are obviously just so sad and so wrong, for example I think starving a woman to death is NOT a humane way to die....
And in other news there are things I hear that are just so Sad and Wrong as well, not just the stories, but in how they are being reported. So give me my time to bitch please.
I will start with wrong.
Last night in the wee hours of the morning I was watching the national news channel on ABC and as they were covering the Red Lake Teen murders in Minnesota the station said they had no news themselves but had coverage from the Minneapolis station KSTP, so they plugged that in to cover the story. Incidentally I was brought back to watching Cindy Brocato and some other chump from Minneapolis covering the story and I couldn't believe what this chump referred these murders as: "Minnesota's own Columbine."
Um I found that disturbing. Anyone agree? In other words, "Yes! We got one! A major massacre to put Minnesota on the map!" I think this news anchor was even slightly salivating over getting to cover this local story. I could see the glimmer of "national pick-up" in his eyes.
Now onto sad, not that the murders in themselves weren't sad, indeed they were, but and forgive me if I seem to putting my worries in the wrong basket but it's stories like this next one that just kills me. Today the local station here covered a story of a pitbull found, alive and badly beaten in a dumpster. The dog has lacerations on his head and body. Thank God someone found him and rescued him, he is now getting medical attention and animal control is investigating the issue. They believe the dog was used as bait in a dog fighting ring, which is huge here in Chicago. UGH! This shit pisses me off so much, I could scream.....
This story aslo brings up an issue I woud like to talk about and that is Pitbulls. Many people see Pitbulls as vicious and as killers, but this is WRONG.
Pitbulls are NOT vicious killers as so many believe. If they are raised like that yes they can be, but if they are let alone to be themselves, or if they are raised like any other lovable animal companion pitbulls will be amazing, loving pets, gentle and loyal.
Interesting PitBull facts:
* Petey of The Little Rascals was a Pitbull
* Helen Keller owned a PitBull (and yes I feel bad about my joke)
* The pittbull was the number one family dog of the first part of the 20tth century.
The reason why these dogs are being bred to be killers is because of the same qaulities that make them wonderful, loving pets: intelligence, great trainability and loyalty.
For more info on pitbulls I urge you to check out the following website, there is a ton of great info and some really wonderful photos of people way way way back when with there beloved Pitbulls (warning there are some graphic photos as well)
www.furryfriendsfoundation.com/Truth03/Truth03.htm
And in other news there are things I hear that are just so Sad and Wrong as well, not just the stories, but in how they are being reported. So give me my time to bitch please.
I will start with wrong.
Last night in the wee hours of the morning I was watching the national news channel on ABC and as they were covering the Red Lake Teen murders in Minnesota the station said they had no news themselves but had coverage from the Minneapolis station KSTP, so they plugged that in to cover the story. Incidentally I was brought back to watching Cindy Brocato and some other chump from Minneapolis covering the story and I couldn't believe what this chump referred these murders as: "Minnesota's own Columbine."
Um I found that disturbing. Anyone agree? In other words, "Yes! We got one! A major massacre to put Minnesota on the map!" I think this news anchor was even slightly salivating over getting to cover this local story. I could see the glimmer of "national pick-up" in his eyes.
Now onto sad, not that the murders in themselves weren't sad, indeed they were, but and forgive me if I seem to putting my worries in the wrong basket but it's stories like this next one that just kills me. Today the local station here covered a story of a pitbull found, alive and badly beaten in a dumpster. The dog has lacerations on his head and body. Thank God someone found him and rescued him, he is now getting medical attention and animal control is investigating the issue. They believe the dog was used as bait in a dog fighting ring, which is huge here in Chicago. UGH! This shit pisses me off so much, I could scream.....
This story aslo brings up an issue I woud like to talk about and that is Pitbulls. Many people see Pitbulls as vicious and as killers, but this is WRONG.
Pitbulls are NOT vicious killers as so many believe. If they are raised like that yes they can be, but if they are let alone to be themselves, or if they are raised like any other lovable animal companion pitbulls will be amazing, loving pets, gentle and loyal.
Interesting PitBull facts:
* Petey of The Little Rascals was a Pitbull
* Helen Keller owned a PitBull (and yes I feel bad about my joke)
* The pittbull was the number one family dog of the first part of the 20tth century.
The reason why these dogs are being bred to be killers is because of the same qaulities that make them wonderful, loving pets: intelligence, great trainability and loyalty.
For more info on pitbulls I urge you to check out the following website, there is a ton of great info and some really wonderful photos of people way way way back when with there beloved Pitbulls (warning there are some graphic photos as well)
www.furryfriendsfoundation.com/Truth03/Truth03.htm
Monday, March 14, 2005
John F#%!-ing Malkovich
Yes the title of my latest post seems a bit lewd, sorry Dad, but I am quoting what Cameron Diaz's character said after going through Malkovich's portal in the movie Being John Malkovich. I am also quoting the line that went through my own mind when I saw Mr. Malkovich shopping last Monday.
Malkovich, Malkovich? Malkovich.
I was shopping downtown at the Paper Source, looking for pretties, when I heard this soft voice. I immediately turned around as it caught my attention as recognizable, and here comes Mr. Malkovich on his cell; he looks me dead in the eye. I was stunned and quickly turned away.
Oh but my story doesn’t end there; oh know because I am a brazen woman! Indeed.
After running to another shopping area and gaining my composure I walked back into the other room where Malkovich was browsing and I scooted up next to him and said, "I really liked you in that jewel thief movie." I was pretty proud of myself. Okay wait that didn’t happen. But in my head it happened. This is what I really said to him, "Hi Mr. Malkovich, I’m Jolene and I look forward to working with you one day."
No I didn’t say that either, I didn’t say anything because I'm really not that brazen, in fact I'm cool, too cool for Mr. Malkovich. Okay too cool to make a fool of myself, as I don't think I would‘ve been able to form a word, let alone a sentence as I was in awe of seeing him. Plus there is the whole respect issue. But I did stand behind him in line to pay, purely by accident I swear! And I was tickled pink with that.
Silly I know to be all flabbergasted over a celebrity, considering I didn’t get this way over my boyfriend Clive Owen when he was salivating over me on the set of Derailed (my next movie, I swear!) but I think Mr. Malkovich is really great, an icon really. I mean he was pretty good in that jewel thief movie after all.
Malkovich, Malkovich? Malkovich.
I was shopping downtown at the Paper Source, looking for pretties, when I heard this soft voice. I immediately turned around as it caught my attention as recognizable, and here comes Mr. Malkovich on his cell; he looks me dead in the eye. I was stunned and quickly turned away.
Oh but my story doesn’t end there; oh know because I am a brazen woman! Indeed.
After running to another shopping area and gaining my composure I walked back into the other room where Malkovich was browsing and I scooted up next to him and said, "I really liked you in that jewel thief movie." I was pretty proud of myself. Okay wait that didn’t happen. But in my head it happened. This is what I really said to him, "Hi Mr. Malkovich, I’m Jolene and I look forward to working with you one day."
No I didn’t say that either, I didn’t say anything because I'm really not that brazen, in fact I'm cool, too cool for Mr. Malkovich. Okay too cool to make a fool of myself, as I don't think I would‘ve been able to form a word, let alone a sentence as I was in awe of seeing him. Plus there is the whole respect issue. But I did stand behind him in line to pay, purely by accident I swear! And I was tickled pink with that.
Silly I know to be all flabbergasted over a celebrity, considering I didn’t get this way over my boyfriend Clive Owen when he was salivating over me on the set of Derailed (my next movie, I swear!) but I think Mr. Malkovich is really great, an icon really. I mean he was pretty good in that jewel thief movie after all.
Super Cheap Chicago
I just came upon this deal if anyone is interested in...
Fun and Free at the EP-Suites
Exclusive for residents of Minnesota only; (or Florida, if your name is Riki; London, if you're name is Eleise.)
Just six hours by auto (forget bathroom breaks or stops at the Mickey D’s) from the breathtaking Twin Cities is the quaint city of Chicago, named for an Indian, I think,
EP-Suites is offering an exclusive deal of free, that’s right, FREE, room and possibly board…for any number of weekends from April 1 to Sept. 30.
Amenities include:
-27 inch television, equipped with the top five local Chicago channels
-DSL Internet hook-up, instant access to Yahoo’s Literati
-A cushy twin sized bed engulfed with pink hearts and quick access to the kitchen area.
-A cat that will meow as an alarm when it is time to wake in the morning. This cat will also provide love and snuggles, but beware her bottom side is full of dingles.
EP-Suites is conveniently located in Chicago’s fabulously lovable Lakeview neighborhood and is in the heart of Lakeview’s ‘Boystown,’ or as we like to refer to it, the Gayborhood. The convenient location allows for many fun activities! If you’re a sweaty gay man who often never wears a shirt then you’ll enjoy the club Hydrate, located just one block north….need some coffee? Grab a Lot-hey! at the Starbucks or Queeribou, both located two blocks away. Get your drink on at Jacquelyn’s or The Closet.
Don't feel like being a gay man? Then head on down to Lake Michigan, just four blocks away, for a roller blade, bike ride or walk, bring your dog as the dog beach is close by!
- Hang out in Chicago’s famed Wrigleyville, three blocks west of the EP-Suites…Go to a Cubs game.
-Take the El downtown and shop at the only store Minnesota doesn’t have, H&M
-Head down the Mag Mile and hit up some culture at The Art Institute.
-Check out the Bean at the new Millennium Park, http://www.millenniumpark.org/
-See Jackie O’s beautiful clothes at the Field Museum, http://www.millenniumpark.org/
-Or go to the creepy exhibit Body Worlds, the anatomical exhibit of REAL human bodies, at the Museum of Science and Industry. The house manager of the EP-Suites saw this exhibit last week and offers the following comment: “Man alive it was creepy!” http://www.msichicago.org/bodyworlds/index.html
No matter what you decide to do, your stay at the EP-Suites would surely be one of fun and harmony! For reservations call the EP-Suites House Manager, who'd be MORE THAN THRILLED with your plan of a visit......if you don’t have her number, then you’re probably not wanted at the Suites anyway!
Fun and Free at the EP-Suites
Exclusive for residents of Minnesota only; (or Florida, if your name is Riki; London, if you're name is Eleise.)
Just six hours by auto (forget bathroom breaks or stops at the Mickey D’s) from the breathtaking Twin Cities is the quaint city of Chicago, named for an Indian, I think,
EP-Suites is offering an exclusive deal of free, that’s right, FREE, room and possibly board…for any number of weekends from April 1 to Sept. 30.
Amenities include:
-27 inch television, equipped with the top five local Chicago channels
-DSL Internet hook-up, instant access to Yahoo’s Literati
-A cushy twin sized bed engulfed with pink hearts and quick access to the kitchen area.
-A cat that will meow as an alarm when it is time to wake in the morning. This cat will also provide love and snuggles, but beware her bottom side is full of dingles.
EP-Suites is conveniently located in Chicago’s fabulously lovable Lakeview neighborhood and is in the heart of Lakeview’s ‘Boystown,’ or as we like to refer to it, the Gayborhood. The convenient location allows for many fun activities! If you’re a sweaty gay man who often never wears a shirt then you’ll enjoy the club Hydrate, located just one block north….need some coffee? Grab a Lot-hey! at the Starbucks or Queeribou, both located two blocks away. Get your drink on at Jacquelyn’s or The Closet.
Don't feel like being a gay man? Then head on down to Lake Michigan, just four blocks away, for a roller blade, bike ride or walk, bring your dog as the dog beach is close by!
- Hang out in Chicago’s famed Wrigleyville, three blocks west of the EP-Suites…Go to a Cubs game.
-Take the El downtown and shop at the only store Minnesota doesn’t have, H&M
-Head down the Mag Mile and hit up some culture at The Art Institute.
-Check out the Bean at the new Millennium Park, http://www.millenniumpark.org/
-See Jackie O’s beautiful clothes at the Field Museum, http://www.millenniumpark.org/
-Or go to the creepy exhibit Body Worlds, the anatomical exhibit of REAL human bodies, at the Museum of Science and Industry. The house manager of the EP-Suites saw this exhibit last week and offers the following comment: “Man alive it was creepy!” http://www.msichicago.org/bodyworlds/index.html
No matter what you decide to do, your stay at the EP-Suites would surely be one of fun and harmony! For reservations call the EP-Suites House Manager, who'd be MORE THAN THRILLED with your plan of a visit......if you don’t have her number, then you’re probably not wanted at the Suites anyway!
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Mark Smith, of WI, Should Be Shot
Sometimes, okay often, I wonder if we humans are really that advanced after all.... this Mark Smith Man from Wisconsin thinks it should be legal to kill housecats as a form of hunting. He came up with this idea, legitimately. He is not kidding.
The story is posted below. I cannot foresee a law like this would actually pass, yet it is up for consideration. Lord help us.
(Here Honey, want to take a trip to Wisconsin?)
http://www.kstp.com/article/stories/S6816.html
LA CROSSE, Wis. - A Wisconsin firefighter has suggested changing state laws so it would be legal for licensed hunters to go after housecats.
Mark Smith of La Crosse said he wants to make free-roaming domestic cats an unprotected species. That would allow anyone with a small-game license to shoot them.
"I mean it's just trying to protect some native songbirds and a lot of other wildlife," Smith said. "Whether it's baby ducks, baby turkeys, smaller rabbits, small squirrels, or a whole host of other wildlife."
Hunters will vote on the proposal next month. The outcome of that vote would go to state lawmakers as a recommendation.
MARK YOU’RE AN IDIOT!
I propose a law that Minnesotas can kill stupid men from Wisconsin, wait that sort of happened already.....oops.
The story is posted below. I cannot foresee a law like this would actually pass, yet it is up for consideration. Lord help us.
(Here Honey, want to take a trip to Wisconsin?)
http://www.kstp.com/article/stories/S6816.html
LA CROSSE, Wis. - A Wisconsin firefighter has suggested changing state laws so it would be legal for licensed hunters to go after housecats.
Mark Smith of La Crosse said he wants to make free-roaming domestic cats an unprotected species. That would allow anyone with a small-game license to shoot them.
"I mean it's just trying to protect some native songbirds and a lot of other wildlife," Smith said. "Whether it's baby ducks, baby turkeys, smaller rabbits, small squirrels, or a whole host of other wildlife."
Hunters will vote on the proposal next month. The outcome of that vote would go to state lawmakers as a recommendation.
MARK YOU’RE AN IDIOT!
I propose a law that Minnesotas can kill stupid men from Wisconsin, wait that sort of happened already.....oops.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Ollie, Oscar's Cheap Brother
Last night was Oscar night and Tinsel Town was in rare form with big egos and even bigger taffeta prom dresses. All and all I found the entire event boring, and yet I watched the whole damn thing…. And now I offer my more detailed thoughts for those of you that have asked, “What did you think, Jolene?”
Well I think I just saw the poor man’s Oscar show.
What happened to the glamour?
What happened to the class?
It all started with Chris Rock’s boring stand-up bit that just oozed mediocre, easy and self-absorbed. Note to Mr. Rock: apparently it’s your thing to shout, you must like the sound of your own voice very much, but we can hear you!
While I’m handing out advice, here’s some for the Oscar camera crew: Just because Chris Rock says the word 'black' does not mean you must pan on the faces of all four black people that attended the event last night. I can only imagine what it’s like in the control room at the Oscars: “Rock just said ‘black’, quick shoot over to Morgan Freeman, good now to Halle! Get Oprah get Oprah!” Nice….”
Billy Crystal has made Oscar glittery and brilliant with his amazing dance and song numbers; What did Chris do? He shouted and wasted everyone’s time. He made jokes that only added to the cheapness of the night, i.e. “Everyone will enjoy these next four presenters Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek." Classy.
Speaking of, did anyone notice the tension between these two Latina Mamas? I was certain that if the two of them had to speak their broken English a minute longer, Salma was going to knock Penelope on the ground. All they needed was Jenny from the Block to provide the mud for their catfight.
But back to Oscar-Light, why oh why bring out the nominees on the stage, or why go into the audience to present awards? Rock’s only saving grace of the night was calling Oscar out on that bull-crap move, “Next year they’ll be handing out Oscars in the parking lot, you can get an Oscar and a McFlurry to go…” So true! I mean they would not have dared had the best actor or actress nominees stand up there together waiting…and then looking so sad and foolish when their name wasn’t called. Tacky!
And then there was the fashion, or lack thereof! Did anyone notice if they were taking prom pictures upon entering the theatre?
I thought everyone looked washed out and tired.... the only woman that looked stunning was Beyonce and wow when did she learn French? Her performances were SO good! She looked so beautiful and glam, the only bad thing that I could possibly say about Beyonce is that at one moment, during her duet with Josh Groban, her hair sort of resembled yarn.
Everyone else needed jewelry and bronzer. And to let their hair down! Why have all this hair if only to twist into to a knot in the back of your head? Hi Renee I’m talking to you, oh and girl eat a steak, please.
One woman that knows how to wear her hair extensions is Miss. Fashion-Icon Halle Berry. But um, Hal it's time to leave the one strap, chiffon numbers alone already! Seriously it’s like she wears a version of the same dress all the time! Yes she looks good, but it’s become so basic, so predictable, who cares? And actually that chiffon on her right boob was pillowy next to the other one, it made her left boob look insey-weensey. Oh Halle, if you're reading this no need to get upset and drink a bunch, you'll probably just end up doing another hit and run and that's not good.... Kate Winslet can join the club on the roster of predictability, sure she looked pretty, but I wouldn’t look twice at her…unless of course if she was African American and Rock said the word black again. Oh and what was with the color blue? Hello 1989!
What's with fat Julia Roberts? Yes I know she squeezed out satan’s spawn (well come on, they're babies of Julia!) but this is Hollywood! Get svelte already! And again, pasty white, lacking jewels, knotty hair, and chunky arms to boot! Okay it seems I really dislike this woman…Well look at her behavior! Clint gets the award for best director and this ridiculous woman, who is so obviously freaking out that she’s going to now be out of the spotlight, does this whole lipstick thing with him just to show us how funny and adorable and great she is? What? Julia it’s NOT your moment, get out of the camera and get your fat arms to the gym. Remember she did the same thing to Denzel a few years back? But instead of wiping off her lipstick she just straddled him? Nice.
Okay I’ll say something kind, Kirsten Dunst looked great! Really. She usually looks like a smelly hippy, but she cleaned up well last night.
Everyone is in awe about Hillary Swank and I am torn. She is beautiful and her attitude seems very cool. That dress was really gorgeous and yet really ugly at the same time. Her breasts looked old and saggy in it. But her back looked like a million bucks. I’m glad she won though, and I’m glad Jamie Fox won too, both seemed quite humbled and it seemed like Oscar actually did something right last night. But poor Chad Lowe.
Of course I can’t forget about the men….oh Sean Penn I am so sorry that a side affect of playing a retard in a movie has now actually made you a retard. That’s too bad.
Mr. Banderas, there’s this invention, it came out decades ago, it’s called shampoo. Did anyone else think that song was so out of place and embarrassingly horrible? I can’t believe it won! I guess Oscar felt the need to placate to the Latinos this year. "If we get them with a bullshit song, then we won;t have to give JLo a best actress nod next year!"
Okay why do these skits with a real actor and a cartoon? We all know cartoons and humans can’t really talk to each other. And the only actor willing enough to do this embarrassing shtick is Remington Steele, I mean Pierce Bronson. Um you sounded like hell, your career can’t be that bad that bronchitis or not you’ll still hang out with a snippy cartoon!
Poor Leonardo DeCrap-io, he had to sit next to that Victoria’s Secret Sheet Set all night, I bet he was getting sleepy. And Mr. Depp, oh you’re so weird and eccentric and yet I love you!
All and all Oscar could have done better. Why not have Oprah host? I mean there is no point of her being there anyway, but if she’s hosting she won’t look so out of place. And she’s got some class, right? She could have worked that and the evening would not have come off so cheaply… but I guess it’s not up to me, after all I am still wearing yesterday’s pajamas and it’s 5:45 in the evening! So who am I to talk really? But before I go I will leave you with this one last thought, the true disgrace of Oscar, and maybe I just missed it, but I don’t think so. During the “In Memory” Spiel, why did Oscar forget to mention Johnny Carson?
Well I think I just saw the poor man’s Oscar show.
What happened to the glamour?
What happened to the class?
It all started with Chris Rock’s boring stand-up bit that just oozed mediocre, easy and self-absorbed. Note to Mr. Rock: apparently it’s your thing to shout, you must like the sound of your own voice very much, but we can hear you!
While I’m handing out advice, here’s some for the Oscar camera crew: Just because Chris Rock says the word 'black' does not mean you must pan on the faces of all four black people that attended the event last night. I can only imagine what it’s like in the control room at the Oscars: “Rock just said ‘black’, quick shoot over to Morgan Freeman, good now to Halle! Get Oprah get Oprah!” Nice….”
Billy Crystal has made Oscar glittery and brilliant with his amazing dance and song numbers; What did Chris do? He shouted and wasted everyone’s time. He made jokes that only added to the cheapness of the night, i.e. “Everyone will enjoy these next four presenters Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek." Classy.
Speaking of, did anyone notice the tension between these two Latina Mamas? I was certain that if the two of them had to speak their broken English a minute longer, Salma was going to knock Penelope on the ground. All they needed was Jenny from the Block to provide the mud for their catfight.
But back to Oscar-Light, why oh why bring out the nominees on the stage, or why go into the audience to present awards? Rock’s only saving grace of the night was calling Oscar out on that bull-crap move, “Next year they’ll be handing out Oscars in the parking lot, you can get an Oscar and a McFlurry to go…” So true! I mean they would not have dared had the best actor or actress nominees stand up there together waiting…and then looking so sad and foolish when their name wasn’t called. Tacky!
And then there was the fashion, or lack thereof! Did anyone notice if they were taking prom pictures upon entering the theatre?
I thought everyone looked washed out and tired.... the only woman that looked stunning was Beyonce and wow when did she learn French? Her performances were SO good! She looked so beautiful and glam, the only bad thing that I could possibly say about Beyonce is that at one moment, during her duet with Josh Groban, her hair sort of resembled yarn.
Everyone else needed jewelry and bronzer. And to let their hair down! Why have all this hair if only to twist into to a knot in the back of your head? Hi Renee I’m talking to you, oh and girl eat a steak, please.
One woman that knows how to wear her hair extensions is Miss. Fashion-Icon Halle Berry. But um, Hal it's time to leave the one strap, chiffon numbers alone already! Seriously it’s like she wears a version of the same dress all the time! Yes she looks good, but it’s become so basic, so predictable, who cares? And actually that chiffon on her right boob was pillowy next to the other one, it made her left boob look insey-weensey. Oh Halle, if you're reading this no need to get upset and drink a bunch, you'll probably just end up doing another hit and run and that's not good.... Kate Winslet can join the club on the roster of predictability, sure she looked pretty, but I wouldn’t look twice at her…unless of course if she was African American and Rock said the word black again. Oh and what was with the color blue? Hello 1989!
What's with fat Julia Roberts? Yes I know she squeezed out satan’s spawn (well come on, they're babies of Julia!) but this is Hollywood! Get svelte already! And again, pasty white, lacking jewels, knotty hair, and chunky arms to boot! Okay it seems I really dislike this woman…Well look at her behavior! Clint gets the award for best director and this ridiculous woman, who is so obviously freaking out that she’s going to now be out of the spotlight, does this whole lipstick thing with him just to show us how funny and adorable and great she is? What? Julia it’s NOT your moment, get out of the camera and get your fat arms to the gym. Remember she did the same thing to Denzel a few years back? But instead of wiping off her lipstick she just straddled him? Nice.
Okay I’ll say something kind, Kirsten Dunst looked great! Really. She usually looks like a smelly hippy, but she cleaned up well last night.
Everyone is in awe about Hillary Swank and I am torn. She is beautiful and her attitude seems very cool. That dress was really gorgeous and yet really ugly at the same time. Her breasts looked old and saggy in it. But her back looked like a million bucks. I’m glad she won though, and I’m glad Jamie Fox won too, both seemed quite humbled and it seemed like Oscar actually did something right last night. But poor Chad Lowe.
Of course I can’t forget about the men….oh Sean Penn I am so sorry that a side affect of playing a retard in a movie has now actually made you a retard. That’s too bad.
Mr. Banderas, there’s this invention, it came out decades ago, it’s called shampoo. Did anyone else think that song was so out of place and embarrassingly horrible? I can’t believe it won! I guess Oscar felt the need to placate to the Latinos this year. "If we get them with a bullshit song, then we won;t have to give JLo a best actress nod next year!"
Okay why do these skits with a real actor and a cartoon? We all know cartoons and humans can’t really talk to each other. And the only actor willing enough to do this embarrassing shtick is Remington Steele, I mean Pierce Bronson. Um you sounded like hell, your career can’t be that bad that bronchitis or not you’ll still hang out with a snippy cartoon!
Poor Leonardo DeCrap-io, he had to sit next to that Victoria’s Secret Sheet Set all night, I bet he was getting sleepy. And Mr. Depp, oh you’re so weird and eccentric and yet I love you!
All and all Oscar could have done better. Why not have Oprah host? I mean there is no point of her being there anyway, but if she’s hosting she won’t look so out of place. And she’s got some class, right? She could have worked that and the evening would not have come off so cheaply… but I guess it’s not up to me, after all I am still wearing yesterday’s pajamas and it’s 5:45 in the evening! So who am I to talk really? But before I go I will leave you with this one last thought, the true disgrace of Oscar, and maybe I just missed it, but I don’t think so. During the “In Memory” Spiel, why did Oscar forget to mention Johnny Carson?
Friday, February 04, 2005
Procrastination Rules!
As some of you may or may not know, aside from hustling tips at the Duke of Perth, and doing this acting stuff, I also freelance write. Well I have a story due tomorrow, 2000 words are needed, I believe I'm on word 601. Currently I'm procrastinating by doing what I do best: Being self-indulgent.
So a friend suggested that I post this story that I wrote about three years ago. Here I go!!!!
Enjoy!
Oh and it's 100% true. (oh and beware of the pukey writing style, it was years ago, rememebr, but still a fun story!)
A Semi-Inconspicuous Brassiere at The Parsnip County Shindig!
By Jolene Turner
My friend Dennis, an actor in town, invited me to a showing of his interactive play, The Parsnip County Shindig. This was definitely interactive theater at its best-or worst, depending on your attitude. Dennis, a sweet, upstanding man told me that this was one "not to miss." Although I'm not a huge fan of interactive theater, I am actress, so I understood the importance of supporting a friend's work, especially when a complimentary ticket accompanies it! Not knowing full well what I was getting myself into I was at least armed with Kristin, another compassionate actress, and a freshly poured creamy Guinness. Kristin and I decided it’d be best to leave our well-known killer cynicism at the door.
Upon entering the Shindig we were requested to dress up and become members of one of the families that inhabited Parsnip County. Kristin and I were soon transported from sleek, sophisticated city girls to two of Parsnip County's best, Tinka Snartemo and Gudrun Snartemo. As 20-year-old Tinka, I was the youngest Snartemo, very sweet, yet very naïve; Kristin was Gudrun, my smart and secretly pregnant, motherly sister-in-law. Donning floral wreaths, wrapped around our noggins, and cotton aprons covering our cute urban ensembles, Gudrun and I officially, and finally entered the Parsnip County Shindig!
The evening began with ridiculous square dances, polkas and the Doe-Si-Doe. There were fiddlers, games, contests, and, of course, parsnips galore. The first character I see of course is Dennis, now Soren Snartemo, my older brother. We greet one another as long lost friends. At first I was skeptical to thoroughly jump into the Shindig and "interact" with the real Parsnip County residents, the rehearsed actors. For one reason, as an actress myself, I do this nearly everyday in rehearsal and for a second, more embarrassing reason, this was not an escape for me, but rather a test. Suddenly my often-touted improv skills and apparent talent for transforming into character was on the line; Every insecurity inside of me squelched.
And then all it took was one quick glimpse of Gudrun, in full character yelping, "these are some mighty fine parsnips, don't-cha-know?" next to our other transformed Snartemo family members, looking horrified, and I suddenly became Tinka Snartemo. Secretly inside I was thanking God that sweet Tinka’s character description included her inability to hold lengthy conversations and her perpetual desire to smile. Grinning like a kitten that just discovered catnip, I was soon dancing up a storm with Soren, Gudrun and a sleuth of Parsnip county residents.
Two hours, five ho-downs and one session of bad Parsnip County poetry later, Gudrun and I realized it was time to relieve ourselves from the now much appreciated, and quickly moving Guinness. In the lady's room we chitchatted about the Shindig, our secret desire to leave, and my big dilemma: My evil bra darting its wiry, fabric-laden support into my delicate sternum.
I cried out, "that's it! I've had it! This damn bra is killing me!" So I asked Gudrun if she thought it'd be inappropriate if I just take it off. We both decided it was late in the evening and I was in too much pain to consider what's "appropriate", so off went the bra! Unfortunately my purse was in the other room, but resourceful woman that I am, I knew I could come up with a plan. Within moments my bra was wrapped up neatly and concealed tightly under my apron strings-no one would ever know! We left the lady's room, me feeling quite fantastic, and Gudrun feeling hungry; it was time for a jolt of sugar. Stopping at the concession to ogle over the freshly baked cookies, Gudrun got a twinkle in her eye, and with even quicker wit than my bra dilemma, she activated her sweet charm. In a flash she slyly tricked the refreshment counter men into providing us with day-old cookies for free as opposed to the fresh ones for $1.25. I am pleased with Gudrun's quick-witted thinking. After all we are starving actresses.
With bellies full of chocolate and cooked dough we returned to the Parsnip County Shindig just in time for the crowning of the Parsnip Royalty, including this year's Parsnip County Princess! Elated with the thought of my crowning glory, I smiled even bigger! As Miss City girl I may have some insecurities, but as Tinka Snartemo I was one confident dame. As we waited to hear the winners, I planned my acceptance speech. I decided there was only one way to accept the crown of Parsnip County Princess-Halle Berry style! Finally the moment arrived and actor Ben Chadwick, playing Ralph "Buddy" Concourse, said: "And this year's Parsnip County Princess is...Gudrun Snartemo!”
Gudrun Snartemo?! What!? Wait a Minute! I'm the sweet one! I'm single. I'm not pregnant! And I'm the Grand Prize Winner for this year's Best Baked Goods County Contest for goodness sakes! What just happened? So I did the "Halle Berry" anyway.
Sweet, good Gudrun walked nervously, yet so modestly, to accept her new royal status, and I sat in the background balling at the top of my lungs. Gudrun accepted her crown in style and announced her new home and pregnancy with husband Steve. The County was excited and pleased with her good fortune. I could have cared less.
The ceremony was soon over and now it was time to dance! Princess Gudrun let me hold her beautiful crown, only for a moment, and as my sadness dwindled we grabbed our dancing partners for the final Parsnip County dance of the night. We Doe-Si-Doed, played follow the leader, swung one another, and grooved until our heart's content. The dancing eventually winded down and our faces were flushed with the excitement of fiddler men and polka music. We began to turn in our Parsnip County accessories one by one and slowly slip back into our 2002 city selves.
Back in black and a little less cynical, I looked forward to retreating to a bar for an evening drink, or two, and then it hit me: Where the hell is my bra?! Suddenly all my happiness and joy was gone, I shifted from sweet, fun dancing girl to psycho-find-my-bra girl. Frantically I tore through the clothing pieces of Parsnip County and I grabbed Kristin. Speechless, I pointed at the clothes, I could not vocalize the words that needed to be said. Finally in a scratchy whisper I confessed, "my bra! my bra!" Kristin, knowing full well what has happened, simply looked at me, smiled and instantaneously laughed. Then a wonderful thing happened. My anxiety slipped into laughter as well, uncontrollable lively laughter, "What the hell was I thinking?"
Realizing it's gone, and dreadfully embarrassed, I decided the best thing to do was just get out of there before someone finds it, after all the thing gave me much pain, why would I want it back? But then I realized I had to say ‘hello, good job and goodbye’ to Dennis. As he walked up to greet me, Kristin and I were still engulfed in wild laughter, and my insecurities were in full bloom. He asked what is so funny, I somewhat composingly replied: "Oh nothing...really, just my costume got messed up."
He wanted to know full details. But, you see, I couldn’t have innocent, sweet Dennis know that my bra is somewhere on the set and not where it should be, hugging my bosoms! I quickly changed the subject. Success! Dennis and I chitchatted, while Kristin scanned the dance floor. The bra was nowhere. But I calmed down. It will be okay, I thought. No it won’t! I tore through the accessories again, nothing, and a buzz of actors and friends joked amongst us as we began our final good byes.
Kristin and I inspected the remains of the Parsnip County Shindig one last time. Could it be in the Town Hall? At the parsnip sculpting booth? Or, gulp, in someone’s perplexed hands? This thought is too overwhelming, I had to give up, I began to leave and then I heard it, the boisterous screech of an actress, "So whose brassiere was that on the dance floor?"
Consecutively I shrieked, Kristin laughed and Dennis’ pure little head whipped around with jaw-dropped, eyes bulged and fingers pointed, and then he uttered, "is that yours?" Flustered I lied, "no! No! God, NO!" It was too late, in his heart he knew the truth and soon everyone would! They would know that my modest bazookas were unsupported and humiliated as I was with the thought that there, now on the stage, was MY bra! My sad green-colored, off brand bra. There was nothing I could do, but take a tip from my evenings alter-ego Tinka, I smiled stupidly and didn’t say a word.
Finally I ran far from the Parsnip County Shindig, holding my loose breasts so as to keep them from swinging. I ran deep back into the city, where I could remain anonymous, enjoy another Guinness, revel in learning the Doe-Si-Doe, and smile broadly, as myself, the foolish girl who thought she could go braless and get away with it.
So a friend suggested that I post this story that I wrote about three years ago. Here I go!!!!
Enjoy!
Oh and it's 100% true. (oh and beware of the pukey writing style, it was years ago, rememebr, but still a fun story!)
A Semi-Inconspicuous Brassiere at The Parsnip County Shindig!
By Jolene Turner
My friend Dennis, an actor in town, invited me to a showing of his interactive play, The Parsnip County Shindig. This was definitely interactive theater at its best-or worst, depending on your attitude. Dennis, a sweet, upstanding man told me that this was one "not to miss." Although I'm not a huge fan of interactive theater, I am actress, so I understood the importance of supporting a friend's work, especially when a complimentary ticket accompanies it! Not knowing full well what I was getting myself into I was at least armed with Kristin, another compassionate actress, and a freshly poured creamy Guinness. Kristin and I decided it’d be best to leave our well-known killer cynicism at the door.
Upon entering the Shindig we were requested to dress up and become members of one of the families that inhabited Parsnip County. Kristin and I were soon transported from sleek, sophisticated city girls to two of Parsnip County's best, Tinka Snartemo and Gudrun Snartemo. As 20-year-old Tinka, I was the youngest Snartemo, very sweet, yet very naïve; Kristin was Gudrun, my smart and secretly pregnant, motherly sister-in-law. Donning floral wreaths, wrapped around our noggins, and cotton aprons covering our cute urban ensembles, Gudrun and I officially, and finally entered the Parsnip County Shindig!
The evening began with ridiculous square dances, polkas and the Doe-Si-Doe. There were fiddlers, games, contests, and, of course, parsnips galore. The first character I see of course is Dennis, now Soren Snartemo, my older brother. We greet one another as long lost friends. At first I was skeptical to thoroughly jump into the Shindig and "interact" with the real Parsnip County residents, the rehearsed actors. For one reason, as an actress myself, I do this nearly everyday in rehearsal and for a second, more embarrassing reason, this was not an escape for me, but rather a test. Suddenly my often-touted improv skills and apparent talent for transforming into character was on the line; Every insecurity inside of me squelched.
And then all it took was one quick glimpse of Gudrun, in full character yelping, "these are some mighty fine parsnips, don't-cha-know?" next to our other transformed Snartemo family members, looking horrified, and I suddenly became Tinka Snartemo. Secretly inside I was thanking God that sweet Tinka’s character description included her inability to hold lengthy conversations and her perpetual desire to smile. Grinning like a kitten that just discovered catnip, I was soon dancing up a storm with Soren, Gudrun and a sleuth of Parsnip county residents.
Two hours, five ho-downs and one session of bad Parsnip County poetry later, Gudrun and I realized it was time to relieve ourselves from the now much appreciated, and quickly moving Guinness. In the lady's room we chitchatted about the Shindig, our secret desire to leave, and my big dilemma: My evil bra darting its wiry, fabric-laden support into my delicate sternum.
I cried out, "that's it! I've had it! This damn bra is killing me!" So I asked Gudrun if she thought it'd be inappropriate if I just take it off. We both decided it was late in the evening and I was in too much pain to consider what's "appropriate", so off went the bra! Unfortunately my purse was in the other room, but resourceful woman that I am, I knew I could come up with a plan. Within moments my bra was wrapped up neatly and concealed tightly under my apron strings-no one would ever know! We left the lady's room, me feeling quite fantastic, and Gudrun feeling hungry; it was time for a jolt of sugar. Stopping at the concession to ogle over the freshly baked cookies, Gudrun got a twinkle in her eye, and with even quicker wit than my bra dilemma, she activated her sweet charm. In a flash she slyly tricked the refreshment counter men into providing us with day-old cookies for free as opposed to the fresh ones for $1.25. I am pleased with Gudrun's quick-witted thinking. After all we are starving actresses.
With bellies full of chocolate and cooked dough we returned to the Parsnip County Shindig just in time for the crowning of the Parsnip Royalty, including this year's Parsnip County Princess! Elated with the thought of my crowning glory, I smiled even bigger! As Miss City girl I may have some insecurities, but as Tinka Snartemo I was one confident dame. As we waited to hear the winners, I planned my acceptance speech. I decided there was only one way to accept the crown of Parsnip County Princess-Halle Berry style! Finally the moment arrived and actor Ben Chadwick, playing Ralph "Buddy" Concourse, said: "And this year's Parsnip County Princess is...Gudrun Snartemo!”
Gudrun Snartemo?! What!? Wait a Minute! I'm the sweet one! I'm single. I'm not pregnant! And I'm the Grand Prize Winner for this year's Best Baked Goods County Contest for goodness sakes! What just happened? So I did the "Halle Berry" anyway.
Sweet, good Gudrun walked nervously, yet so modestly, to accept her new royal status, and I sat in the background balling at the top of my lungs. Gudrun accepted her crown in style and announced her new home and pregnancy with husband Steve. The County was excited and pleased with her good fortune. I could have cared less.
The ceremony was soon over and now it was time to dance! Princess Gudrun let me hold her beautiful crown, only for a moment, and as my sadness dwindled we grabbed our dancing partners for the final Parsnip County dance of the night. We Doe-Si-Doed, played follow the leader, swung one another, and grooved until our heart's content. The dancing eventually winded down and our faces were flushed with the excitement of fiddler men and polka music. We began to turn in our Parsnip County accessories one by one and slowly slip back into our 2002 city selves.
Back in black and a little less cynical, I looked forward to retreating to a bar for an evening drink, or two, and then it hit me: Where the hell is my bra?! Suddenly all my happiness and joy was gone, I shifted from sweet, fun dancing girl to psycho-find-my-bra girl. Frantically I tore through the clothing pieces of Parsnip County and I grabbed Kristin. Speechless, I pointed at the clothes, I could not vocalize the words that needed to be said. Finally in a scratchy whisper I confessed, "my bra! my bra!" Kristin, knowing full well what has happened, simply looked at me, smiled and instantaneously laughed. Then a wonderful thing happened. My anxiety slipped into laughter as well, uncontrollable lively laughter, "What the hell was I thinking?"
Realizing it's gone, and dreadfully embarrassed, I decided the best thing to do was just get out of there before someone finds it, after all the thing gave me much pain, why would I want it back? But then I realized I had to say ‘hello, good job and goodbye’ to Dennis. As he walked up to greet me, Kristin and I were still engulfed in wild laughter, and my insecurities were in full bloom. He asked what is so funny, I somewhat composingly replied: "Oh nothing...really, just my costume got messed up."
He wanted to know full details. But, you see, I couldn’t have innocent, sweet Dennis know that my bra is somewhere on the set and not where it should be, hugging my bosoms! I quickly changed the subject. Success! Dennis and I chitchatted, while Kristin scanned the dance floor. The bra was nowhere. But I calmed down. It will be okay, I thought. No it won’t! I tore through the accessories again, nothing, and a buzz of actors and friends joked amongst us as we began our final good byes.
Kristin and I inspected the remains of the Parsnip County Shindig one last time. Could it be in the Town Hall? At the parsnip sculpting booth? Or, gulp, in someone’s perplexed hands? This thought is too overwhelming, I had to give up, I began to leave and then I heard it, the boisterous screech of an actress, "So whose brassiere was that on the dance floor?"
Consecutively I shrieked, Kristin laughed and Dennis’ pure little head whipped around with jaw-dropped, eyes bulged and fingers pointed, and then he uttered, "is that yours?" Flustered I lied, "no! No! God, NO!" It was too late, in his heart he knew the truth and soon everyone would! They would know that my modest bazookas were unsupported and humiliated as I was with the thought that there, now on the stage, was MY bra! My sad green-colored, off brand bra. There was nothing I could do, but take a tip from my evenings alter-ego Tinka, I smiled stupidly and didn’t say a word.
Finally I ran far from the Parsnip County Shindig, holding my loose breasts so as to keep them from swinging. I ran deep back into the city, where I could remain anonymous, enjoy another Guinness, revel in learning the Doe-Si-Doe, and smile broadly, as myself, the foolish girl who thought she could go braless and get away with it.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
I Graduated and I Have the T-Shirt to Prove It!
Well it's official, I'm a graduate of the Second City Conservatory Program.
After 16 months of good times, bad times, crazy times, learning times, unlearning times, funny times, sunny times, sneaky times, psychotic times...oh I could go on forever, really.... basically I did it...wait I already told you that.
Well anyway vast amounts of candy, congratulatory cards and flowers can now be sent my way as last Monday we performed our final graduation show to a crowd of SNL and MadTV producers, directors and recruits...ah yes I am off to NYC tomorrow...ta-ta Dahlings.....yeah um let me rephrase that to the truth: last Monday we performed our final graduation show to a crowd of highschool kids, diehard improvisers, proud parents and actors friends..... I'm off to nowhere, well except maybe to IO or Annoyance.....
Okay yes you want to know, now what Jolene?
Well actually I've decided to give up on this performing thing, go back to the MN and get a real job! Yeah I know... Oh My God I'm SO Kidding!!!!!!!!!!
After 16 months of good times, bad times, crazy times, learning times, unlearning times, funny times, sunny times, sneaky times, psychotic times...oh I could go on forever, really.... basically I did it...wait I already told you that.
Well anyway vast amounts of candy, congratulatory cards and flowers can now be sent my way as last Monday we performed our final graduation show to a crowd of SNL and MadTV producers, directors and recruits...ah yes I am off to NYC tomorrow...ta-ta Dahlings.....yeah um let me rephrase that to the truth: last Monday we performed our final graduation show to a crowd of highschool kids, diehard improvisers, proud parents and actors friends..... I'm off to nowhere, well except maybe to IO or Annoyance.....
Okay yes you want to know, now what Jolene?
Well actually I've decided to give up on this performing thing, go back to the MN and get a real job! Yeah I know... Oh My God I'm SO Kidding!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
04 is SO Last Year
Heya.....
I have NOTHING to say except, I'm still here! There is NOTHING new with me, just gettin' by...waiting tables...freelance writing...even a little photography! Making mad cash in the matter of minutes of course! ;)
My show at Second City is performing every Monday until, GULP, the 24th!
TWO SHOWS LEFT!
Come and see me perform on the same stage as so many of the greats have perfomed on, such as Tina Fey, John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, Gilda Radner, Del Close, Bill Murray (btw, go see Life Aquatic,) Chris Farley, Amy Sedaris (If you haven't seen Strangers w/Candy yet, RENT IT!,) and on and on until someday some silly twit will write a similiar, just as boring blog, and add the name, Jolene Turner.
Shows start at 7:00 with three improv troupes and then two graduation shows, one is mine. A particular fav. scene of mine is the trials and tribulations of being a single cat-mom, dedicated to my dear Honey.
As for other performing news.... I'm still at the Improv Kitchen, until when who knows....this Friday were are doing a special Star Wars Improv Show for a group of Star Warries...yeah um do they have a name like Trekkies? Oh well, guess who's Princess Leia, oh hell yeah!!!!!!!! Good thing I didn't cut my hair! Hmmmm I wonder what handsome co-improviser will be Hans Solo?
Okay I am off for now, must get sellin' those Fish and Chips, as it is all you can eat fish and chips Wednesay..... interested in checking out my latest freelance article? Go to http://www.performink.com/Framesets/2frmBody.html
I have NOTHING to say except, I'm still here! There is NOTHING new with me, just gettin' by...waiting tables...freelance writing...even a little photography! Making mad cash in the matter of minutes of course! ;)
My show at Second City is performing every Monday until, GULP, the 24th!
TWO SHOWS LEFT!
Come and see me perform on the same stage as so many of the greats have perfomed on, such as Tina Fey, John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, Gilda Radner, Del Close, Bill Murray (btw, go see Life Aquatic,) Chris Farley, Amy Sedaris (If you haven't seen Strangers w/Candy yet, RENT IT!,) and on and on until someday some silly twit will write a similiar, just as boring blog, and add the name, Jolene Turner.
Shows start at 7:00 with three improv troupes and then two graduation shows, one is mine. A particular fav. scene of mine is the trials and tribulations of being a single cat-mom, dedicated to my dear Honey.
As for other performing news.... I'm still at the Improv Kitchen, until when who knows....this Friday were are doing a special Star Wars Improv Show for a group of Star Warries...yeah um do they have a name like Trekkies? Oh well, guess who's Princess Leia, oh hell yeah!!!!!!!! Good thing I didn't cut my hair! Hmmmm I wonder what handsome co-improviser will be Hans Solo?
Okay I am off for now, must get sellin' those Fish and Chips, as it is all you can eat fish and chips Wednesay..... interested in checking out my latest freelance article? Go to http://www.performink.com/Framesets/2frmBody.html
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Meowy Christmas
Hey everyone!!! Just a quick note to say Happy Holidays!
AND to plug in a little note to let you know about all the loving creatures that need safe, loving homes this holiday season and beyond!!! If you're thinking of adopting a pet there are SO MANY loving creatures that need your home, love, and attention. And the best thing? They will return all that and much more to you throughout your life!!!
So go to your local Humane Society, AND the pound! Or check out these two great shelters:
Chicago
http://www.furryfriendsfoundation.com/index.htm
Minneapolis
http://www.felinerescue.org/
THANK YOU
Kisses from Honey and Jolene
AND to plug in a little note to let you know about all the loving creatures that need safe, loving homes this holiday season and beyond!!! If you're thinking of adopting a pet there are SO MANY loving creatures that need your home, love, and attention. And the best thing? They will return all that and much more to you throughout your life!!!
So go to your local Humane Society, AND the pound! Or check out these two great shelters:
Chicago
http://www.furryfriendsfoundation.com/index.htm
Minneapolis
http://www.felinerescue.org/
THANK YOU
Kisses from Honey and Jolene
Monday, December 06, 2004
It's been almost a month
hey-ya
Okay to my three loyal fans...and others that may loom around, I do so apologize for not writing sooner... I have been a busy girl...I've been working a ton at the Duke...when I am not there then I'm at the Improv Kitchen performing my little heart out..... both places are driving me CRAZY right now.... I feel like I am being taken advantage by both at the same time... we lost a waitress at The Duke and instead of hiring someone now, the manager has decided to wait until after the holidays.... so guess who's covering a bunch of the shifts? And to top it off I'm already working doubles on Saturdays! Geez they even ask me to skip class at Second City for them...and I almost say "Oh sure! Of course!" (Is that the Minnesotan in me?) But then I remeber why I'm here and it's NOT to work in a stinky old Scottish pub!
The Kitchen on the other hand is cutting our performance pay come January. However what I initially thought was a horrid turn of events, I realize now could be ok... I saw the "B" group's late show the other day and was inspired. You see the ensembled paid members (I'm one of them) have been asked to sign new contracts in Jan and create a show with total artisitic freedom. Well without going into great detail suffice it to say there is amazing potential to create something great. Since everything is done through the television studios and we have access to tech and film crews, we can create an interativce, funky and almost Mtv-ish like show, part of it will already be filmed and part will be the interacting through the Tv Screens to the audience and of course we also have the green screen studio, (Drew Carey eat your gravy-laden heart out) So while I was initally insulted to lose the money I'm actually cool with it, we'll at least get a cut of the house and the contract will only be for six weeks of my life. Anyway you'd all better come for it, we are planning a Valentine's show, three women, one man, PURE INSANITY!
In other Improv Kitchen news, The Chicago Reader (For you Minnesotans, the Reader is equivalent to Citypages, but MUCH MUCH MUCH bigger) was at last Saturday's performance to review us. There were only three of us performing and I was the only girl. I was sick scared... the article should be out this week and I feel REALLY nervous because he asked for the spellings of our names, so he may say something... The improv community is INTENSE here and everyone reads about everyone. A few months ago three magazine-type television programs in Chicago came to tape us and interview us for their shows and for a brief moment I was all over Chicago TV!!!!!! (There goes my 15 minutes, wait I think it probably totaled like 9 minutes, so I still have, um wait I need a calculator, oh okay I still have 7 minutes left, I mean 6, I have six minutes left!) Okay so my point is that when I went to SC for class during this time one of my old teachers was like "Hey saw you all over the TV...."
Soooooooooooooo, okay okay my actual real point is if the Reader trashes me I can never work in this town again, insert throw-up emoti-con guy in theory here....huh?
But alas I am doing my Level 5 show at the Second City Etc. Stage on Monday nights. Oh it's the best thing. We are only up for 45 minutes, but it's just the best! I want to be there forever, on the stage, in the lights...I don’t want to have to work anymore, not even to create a show, I just want to perform and perform and be funny and dance..... oh and write, like I'm not aware that I'm doing it....oh and I also want to just do crosswords and pet Honey's 16-pound belly.
Okay well I should be wrapping this up, wait let me think if there is anything else I need to report on.... oh yes! I was finally in my first major motion picture, be on the lookout for Derailed, starring Jennifer Aniston and Clive Owen. There will be a PIVITOL scene where Clive runs to a building (where Jen's character lives, I think) anyway he runs down the corridor towards a revolving door and just as he's about to go in he stops to make-out with a beautiful mystery woman with long dark hair and smoldering eyes.... no wait he didn’t do that.... but he almost bumps into this woman ... and that's me!!!!! Oh but I shoudl warn you I am walking towards Clive and the camera is behind me, so it's not like my face will even be in the shot, BUT my hair and ugly gray coat will be! Yay!!!!!
All and all though I was on my first real movie set and it was frickin' cool!
Ciao!
happy holidays
:)
P.S. I will be making appearance in Minneapolis for the Holiday Season, would Looooove to see you!
P.P.S. or is that P.S.S.
Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is my cat Xena and world peace.
Okay to my three loyal fans...and others that may loom around, I do so apologize for not writing sooner... I have been a busy girl...I've been working a ton at the Duke...when I am not there then I'm at the Improv Kitchen performing my little heart out..... both places are driving me CRAZY right now.... I feel like I am being taken advantage by both at the same time... we lost a waitress at The Duke and instead of hiring someone now, the manager has decided to wait until after the holidays.... so guess who's covering a bunch of the shifts? And to top it off I'm already working doubles on Saturdays! Geez they even ask me to skip class at Second City for them...and I almost say "Oh sure! Of course!" (Is that the Minnesotan in me?) But then I remeber why I'm here and it's NOT to work in a stinky old Scottish pub!
The Kitchen on the other hand is cutting our performance pay come January. However what I initially thought was a horrid turn of events, I realize now could be ok... I saw the "B" group's late show the other day and was inspired. You see the ensembled paid members (I'm one of them) have been asked to sign new contracts in Jan and create a show with total artisitic freedom. Well without going into great detail suffice it to say there is amazing potential to create something great. Since everything is done through the television studios and we have access to tech and film crews, we can create an interativce, funky and almost Mtv-ish like show, part of it will already be filmed and part will be the interacting through the Tv Screens to the audience and of course we also have the green screen studio, (Drew Carey eat your gravy-laden heart out) So while I was initally insulted to lose the money I'm actually cool with it, we'll at least get a cut of the house and the contract will only be for six weeks of my life. Anyway you'd all better come for it, we are planning a Valentine's show, three women, one man, PURE INSANITY!
In other Improv Kitchen news, The Chicago Reader (For you Minnesotans, the Reader is equivalent to Citypages, but MUCH MUCH MUCH bigger) was at last Saturday's performance to review us. There were only three of us performing and I was the only girl. I was sick scared... the article should be out this week and I feel REALLY nervous because he asked for the spellings of our names, so he may say something... The improv community is INTENSE here and everyone reads about everyone. A few months ago three magazine-type television programs in Chicago came to tape us and interview us for their shows and for a brief moment I was all over Chicago TV!!!!!! (There goes my 15 minutes, wait I think it probably totaled like 9 minutes, so I still have, um wait I need a calculator, oh okay I still have 7 minutes left, I mean 6, I have six minutes left!) Okay so my point is that when I went to SC for class during this time one of my old teachers was like "Hey saw you all over the TV...."
Soooooooooooooo, okay okay my actual real point is if the Reader trashes me I can never work in this town again, insert throw-up emoti-con guy in theory here....huh?
But alas I am doing my Level 5 show at the Second City Etc. Stage on Monday nights. Oh it's the best thing. We are only up for 45 minutes, but it's just the best! I want to be there forever, on the stage, in the lights...I don’t want to have to work anymore, not even to create a show, I just want to perform and perform and be funny and dance..... oh and write, like I'm not aware that I'm doing it....oh and I also want to just do crosswords and pet Honey's 16-pound belly.
Okay well I should be wrapping this up, wait let me think if there is anything else I need to report on.... oh yes! I was finally in my first major motion picture, be on the lookout for Derailed, starring Jennifer Aniston and Clive Owen. There will be a PIVITOL scene where Clive runs to a building (where Jen's character lives, I think) anyway he runs down the corridor towards a revolving door and just as he's about to go in he stops to make-out with a beautiful mystery woman with long dark hair and smoldering eyes.... no wait he didn’t do that.... but he almost bumps into this woman ... and that's me!!!!! Oh but I shoudl warn you I am walking towards Clive and the camera is behind me, so it's not like my face will even be in the shot, BUT my hair and ugly gray coat will be! Yay!!!!!
All and all though I was on my first real movie set and it was frickin' cool!
Ciao!
happy holidays
:)
P.S. I will be making appearance in Minneapolis for the Holiday Season, would Looooove to see you!
P.P.S. or is that P.S.S.
Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is my cat Xena and world peace.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
It is MY blog!
Okay sooooo check out this fun shoot I did for the Millinery Alliance of Chicago!
http://www.millineryartsalliance.com/
Need more Jolene fun? Check out the Improv Kitchen....
http://www.improvkitchen.com/
OKay I'm off to take my cat on a bus now!
http://www.millineryartsalliance.com/
Need more Jolene fun? Check out the Improv Kitchen....
http://www.improvkitchen.com/
OKay I'm off to take my cat on a bus now!
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
See you at The Polls!
Hey all! Happy Voting Day Election 2004!!! Woo-Hoo!!!!!!! Go America!
Well I can tell you these past few months have been horrendous!!! The issues, the decisions, the intensity! After some serious soul searching, thinking and praying I have finally come to my decision. In 2004 I'm voting Kerry!!!!!!
It' s been a hard decision, I mean just last week I was going to vote for Bush, because I've always been a big fan of 90210. I mean I grew up with that television show featuring the lovely and beautiful Bush supporter, Shannen Doherty. But then I thought, "this is a beautiful woman, and she has been fired from two popular television shows and was arrested for a DUI."
And I'm sorry, but I'm against driving drunk, as well as misbehaving on a Hollywood Television Set.
Soooo I started thinking again.... for a while I remained a Bush supporter, because, afterall, Mr. Schwarzenegger did star in Jingle All The Way filmed in my hometown of Minneapolis/St. Paul. And my brother's girlfriend, Emily met him while he was on location there and she said he was really nice.
But then I was concerned again because Arnold did give up a righteous career in film to, um be Mayor of California? No wait I meant to be the Senator of California!!!!
Yep so I was again stumped on what to do! I thought about the Boss and really I'm not a fan.... I mean back in the 80's Bruce did leave his preganant wife for the wild redheaded woman in the E Street Band. What kind of man does that!!!!????
So I spent my nights wide awake, worrying about what to do, but last night I took charge. Before bed I lit a candle and I prayed. I prayed to the Lord....and I said: "Dear God, please send me a sign of who I should vote for this Election term. I need your help. Ms. Doherty's record is blemished, Arnold seeems a bit selfish and the Boss is a cheat.....I no longer know where to turn."
Well low and behold Jesus sent me a sign just this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There on my televisoin was the striking and quite hansome Ashston Kutcher of television's compelling and intensely popular comedy That 70's Show. Ashston was serious and looked into the camera lens, no not posing as he usually does, well maybe just a bit, and he spoke the most magical words...... "Vote Kerry, he's my man. He's caring and he really likes people."
Well I have to say, I couldn't breath for a second. I mean HELLO! I like people too! But more importantly I like Ashston Kutcher!
Yeah and then Kerry was all like "I like Ashston and the Boss, they are respected figures so they make people aware."
WOW!
So in 2004 I vote Kerry because Ashston is really cute and maybe, just maybe, Ashston will notice me. Oh God, he could even ask me on a date.....and then we'll get married and have lots of babies!!!! Oooh Ashston you're sooooooo cool...
Punk me Ashston Punk me!!!!!!!!
Well I can tell you these past few months have been horrendous!!! The issues, the decisions, the intensity! After some serious soul searching, thinking and praying I have finally come to my decision. In 2004 I'm voting Kerry!!!!!!
It' s been a hard decision, I mean just last week I was going to vote for Bush, because I've always been a big fan of 90210. I mean I grew up with that television show featuring the lovely and beautiful Bush supporter, Shannen Doherty. But then I thought, "this is a beautiful woman, and she has been fired from two popular television shows and was arrested for a DUI."
And I'm sorry, but I'm against driving drunk, as well as misbehaving on a Hollywood Television Set.
Soooo I started thinking again.... for a while I remained a Bush supporter, because, afterall, Mr. Schwarzenegger did star in Jingle All The Way filmed in my hometown of Minneapolis/St. Paul. And my brother's girlfriend, Emily met him while he was on location there and she said he was really nice.
But then I was concerned again because Arnold did give up a righteous career in film to, um be Mayor of California? No wait I meant to be the Senator of California!!!!
Yep so I was again stumped on what to do! I thought about the Boss and really I'm not a fan.... I mean back in the 80's Bruce did leave his preganant wife for the wild redheaded woman in the E Street Band. What kind of man does that!!!!????
So I spent my nights wide awake, worrying about what to do, but last night I took charge. Before bed I lit a candle and I prayed. I prayed to the Lord....and I said: "Dear God, please send me a sign of who I should vote for this Election term. I need your help. Ms. Doherty's record is blemished, Arnold seeems a bit selfish and the Boss is a cheat.....I no longer know where to turn."
Well low and behold Jesus sent me a sign just this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There on my televisoin was the striking and quite hansome Ashston Kutcher of television's compelling and intensely popular comedy That 70's Show. Ashston was serious and looked into the camera lens, no not posing as he usually does, well maybe just a bit, and he spoke the most magical words...... "Vote Kerry, he's my man. He's caring and he really likes people."
Well I have to say, I couldn't breath for a second. I mean HELLO! I like people too! But more importantly I like Ashston Kutcher!
Yeah and then Kerry was all like "I like Ashston and the Boss, they are respected figures so they make people aware."
WOW!
So in 2004 I vote Kerry because Ashston is really cute and maybe, just maybe, Ashston will notice me. Oh God, he could even ask me on a date.....and then we'll get married and have lots of babies!!!! Oooh Ashston you're sooooooo cool...
Punk me Ashston Punk me!!!!!!!!
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Yay! It's the Season of the Darkness!!!
The season of Halloween is upon us! And I am psyched!!!!!
I LOVE HALLOWEEN!
There is no expectation to give a lavish gift, eat Turkey and Cranberry sauce (ugh), get home cheaply AND find someone to look after the cat, and of course play ‘catch-up’ with the fam. “So any dark horses in the running?” Ooooh God, please I’m just trying to get through existing, let’s drop the notion that I’ll ever get married!
Halloween on the other hand requires none of these things! AND it encompasses dressing up, chocolate, dead things, darkness, pumpkins, crispy leaves, ghosts and more! Um, hello! Playing ‘dress-up’ and eating chocolate alone is reason enough to adore this holiday!
But yet it is pretty much the only Americanized holiday that basically celebrates ‘evil.’ NOT that I’m an advocate of evil, hell no! Hi Jesus I love you. I do however enjoy the essence of playful ghosts, vampire legends, true accounts of the occult, strange murders, resulting, of course, in deliciously vibrant hauntings and so forth. Also it is a reminder to us good people why we are good and why we should always remain so!
Okay even if you don’t get into this holiday, can’t you just feel that delicious eeriness flowing through the evening air in late October? And what is great is even the most ‘normal,’ God-fearing-folk get into it. At least here in my ‘Boystown’ neighborhood of Chicago… houses, apartments and condos have dressed-up their lawns with Jack-O-Lanterns, spider webs, skeletons and some damn creepy scenes. Some, I have to admit, even shock me, i.e. dolls strung-up with rope by their necks and hung from trees. Note to those neighbors: If I’m walking alone at night and you’re the only other people awake, please don’t say hello.
So with this season, now in full swing I want to hear ghosts stories, hauntings and frightening tales! This week I am asking friends and co-workers if they believe in the paranormal and if they have had any encounters. Since I have yet to really have a true encounter myself and Damn if I don’t try….. picture me in the French Quarter of New Orleans. I’m standing in the seedy bathroom of a local bar. The door is locked, I am surrounded by broken mirrors, “Um Hello? Can you hear me? Yeah it’s okay come on and show yourself.” Apparently this bathroom was haunted. I never saw a damn ghost, BUT I did get fairly loopy on the establishments lovely ale.
Wait I was saying something else! Oh yes… so I’m all-ears for creepy tales, and ask you, my two faithful readers, to please add your own chilling stories in the comments section of my blog! I would love to hear of any ghostly encounters!
So with that, I will share with you my closest encounter with something freaky. Um be prepared to so not be scared….but everything is 100% true! And I believe probably freaky because of my own imagination playing tricks on me at the time.
The Basement of 3534 Grand Avenue
Back in Minneapolis, I used to live in a brownstone consisting of 13 apartments, I don’t think they have those here in Chicago, here it’s either some new-agey rebuilt piece of junk that encompasses a ‘fancy condo’, or you’re living way up high in the sky. Well my place in Minneapolis was a charming and lovely corner apartment, complete with the old cupboards, china cabinets and moldings. I was attached. Too attached.
I actually think that it owned me. There were a few times that I had these intense dreams that I had moved out and I couldn’t believe it! Why would I leave my perfect apartment? But then I’d wake and be so relieved to see that I was still in the apartment. I swear it would be at that point that in the distance, in some sort of weird realmy world, I could hear a low, wickedly evil laugh, coming from the building itself.
I believed that this building knew me, and enticed me with its charm, but didn’t wish me the best. Upon moving in I was healthy, mentally and physically. Five years later, when moving out I can honestly say I understood depression, anxiety, extreme self-doubt and intense allergies. Okay I know, probably all a coincidence, but I’m telling you I was ‘normal’ before living there and I had a very healthy self-esteem. I was a very messy person moving out and sick all the time. And, ironically many of my allergies have cleared up since moving.
But enough about my health, back to the building: So this brownstone had two levels with six apartments on each level and one apartment in the basement. That apartment, I was told by the landlord, was the site of a suicide, a hanging that had taken place in the back bedroom, I believe to have happened10 years before I moved in. Everyone that lived there was out within a year. These were nice apartments, people stayed, but that particular apartment had a high turnover rate.
Aside from this apartment, the basement also encompasses the laundry room, the fuse box room (what are those called?), the boiler room (insert scary), the landlord’s workroom and two storage rooms---basically there is one long hallway with eight doorways, all with closed doors.
So one breezy, cool summer night…I go down to the basement to retrieve my laundry, and I’m pretty certain that the couple that lives in the basement apartment are not home. No lights were on and I had seen them leave early that evening. While I am folding my clothes I hear this weird noise, as if something has fallen or slid down. A noise that is usually accompanied by a guilty cat. So of course I'm thinking OMIGAWD did Xena find her way home!!!????
OH YEAH I forgot to mention, because I didn’t think it was pertinent to the story, but while living in this apartment I lost my precious cat, Xena.
Okay so, the noise, I’m thinking that Xena found her way home and into the basement. You see under the stairs is the opening to this underground tunnelly-thing that leads to other basements of buildings in the neighborhood and so forth. My other cat went under there once, freaked me out.
So I leave the laundry to look for Xena, because I’m praying that the noise came from her! Well of course I see nothing and then I realize that I'm going to have to start opening doors to search in rooms. And knowing my cat could be in one of the rooms starving, I decide I must do it. Mind you it's 11pm, the building is VERY quiet, I’m in a basement and, of course, it's just begun thundering and lightening out! Yeah. So I'm already freaked...
But I tell myself it’s silly to be scared because the absolutely only thing that could be behind these doors is Xena. I'm pretty calm and I open the door that leads to the fuse boxes for the whole building…hmmmm nothing, but it reaks like gas. Deciding not to get myself worked up over a little gas fumes, I close that door and go to the next: a storage closet that is complete with six separate little closets. Many of these have locks on them so I can't look in them all, but of course I start looking in the open ones, (in my mind I'm getting freaked out, but I'm breathing keeping it together) So then I leave that room and I have three more rooms to check out.
Boom, rustle, tap, tap! And another noise…it's coming from the fuse-box room…UGH I was just in there! The noise is still happening and is sounding similar to a tapping and I'm getting wigged out now for sure.
Well there is this little window in the fuse-box room and of course I'm thinking someone was on the other side! I cannot physically open the door. But then I remember that I noticed my landlord's workroom wasn't locked, like it normally is, so I think “Oh! Of course super hot landlord Ben is working late, hence the noise and the tapping!”
So I mosey onto down to the workroom, and I hear the tapping still and I think oh it must be coming from the room next to the fuse-box room, connected to Ben's workroom, and Ben's in there working away…so I knock on the door. "Hello" I say. I knock again. Nothing…hmm that's not like Ben. He's usually so receptive to my meddling and apartment needs….OH GOD BIG THUNDER ROAR, side note: Poor Kitty. Oh I wish I had found kitty, no instead I'm just scared as hell….
So I open the door. “Hello?” No one. The noise is now more intense. “Hello?” I’m actually in the workroom that has drills, wood saw-things, man-tools, etc. I peer into the connected room, no one, nothing, the noise is more faint now. It’s time to get out of there, but damn that is so not like Ben to leave that room unlocked. I close the door behind me and the lights flicker a bit, I look at the door adjacent to the workroom door, it’s the door for the boiler oom and the padlock is open. “Um Hello?” Nothing, the noise is NOT stopping, and it’s coming from the fuse-box room. I walk back down there. Stupid girl, oh but I do love the drama of it all!
And yet I am genuinly freaked. I open the fuse-box room and I see shadows and freakyness darting from the lighting and window. AAAAAAH!!!!! I run down a hallway, up four flights of stairs, down another hall and into my apartment, I lock all three locks. I stand there, I breath. I think ‘Dam! Xena could be there!!! And I did forget my laundry…..”
Okay so I creep down the back stairs, real slow. I am on the last step of the final stairs the leads into the basement and wooooosh, I hear soemthing, I feel cold, I swear there is a presence, now I run faster than before. Back to my apartment, breathing, freaking, scared. I feel safe, until, I kid you not, within three minutes the building goes black.
There is no power. I’m now in the pitch dark, there is lightening and thundering. I wasn’t happy. Eventually I fumbled for candles and I awaited for more freakiness, but to my chagrin there was none. And all I can think is damn, why couldn’t I have seen a ghost!!!!???
I LOVE HALLOWEEN!
There is no expectation to give a lavish gift, eat Turkey and Cranberry sauce (ugh), get home cheaply AND find someone to look after the cat, and of course play ‘catch-up’ with the fam. “So any dark horses in the running?” Ooooh God, please I’m just trying to get through existing, let’s drop the notion that I’ll ever get married!
Halloween on the other hand requires none of these things! AND it encompasses dressing up, chocolate, dead things, darkness, pumpkins, crispy leaves, ghosts and more! Um, hello! Playing ‘dress-up’ and eating chocolate alone is reason enough to adore this holiday!
But yet it is pretty much the only Americanized holiday that basically celebrates ‘evil.’ NOT that I’m an advocate of evil, hell no! Hi Jesus I love you. I do however enjoy the essence of playful ghosts, vampire legends, true accounts of the occult, strange murders, resulting, of course, in deliciously vibrant hauntings and so forth. Also it is a reminder to us good people why we are good and why we should always remain so!
Okay even if you don’t get into this holiday, can’t you just feel that delicious eeriness flowing through the evening air in late October? And what is great is even the most ‘normal,’ God-fearing-folk get into it. At least here in my ‘Boystown’ neighborhood of Chicago… houses, apartments and condos have dressed-up their lawns with Jack-O-Lanterns, spider webs, skeletons and some damn creepy scenes. Some, I have to admit, even shock me, i.e. dolls strung-up with rope by their necks and hung from trees. Note to those neighbors: If I’m walking alone at night and you’re the only other people awake, please don’t say hello.
So with this season, now in full swing I want to hear ghosts stories, hauntings and frightening tales! This week I am asking friends and co-workers if they believe in the paranormal and if they have had any encounters. Since I have yet to really have a true encounter myself and Damn if I don’t try….. picture me in the French Quarter of New Orleans. I’m standing in the seedy bathroom of a local bar. The door is locked, I am surrounded by broken mirrors, “Um Hello? Can you hear me? Yeah it’s okay come on and show yourself.” Apparently this bathroom was haunted. I never saw a damn ghost, BUT I did get fairly loopy on the establishments lovely ale.
Wait I was saying something else! Oh yes… so I’m all-ears for creepy tales, and ask you, my two faithful readers, to please add your own chilling stories in the comments section of my blog! I would love to hear of any ghostly encounters!
So with that, I will share with you my closest encounter with something freaky. Um be prepared to so not be scared….but everything is 100% true! And I believe probably freaky because of my own imagination playing tricks on me at the time.
The Basement of 3534 Grand Avenue
Back in Minneapolis, I used to live in a brownstone consisting of 13 apartments, I don’t think they have those here in Chicago, here it’s either some new-agey rebuilt piece of junk that encompasses a ‘fancy condo’, or you’re living way up high in the sky. Well my place in Minneapolis was a charming and lovely corner apartment, complete with the old cupboards, china cabinets and moldings. I was attached. Too attached.
I actually think that it owned me. There were a few times that I had these intense dreams that I had moved out and I couldn’t believe it! Why would I leave my perfect apartment? But then I’d wake and be so relieved to see that I was still in the apartment. I swear it would be at that point that in the distance, in some sort of weird realmy world, I could hear a low, wickedly evil laugh, coming from the building itself.
I believed that this building knew me, and enticed me with its charm, but didn’t wish me the best. Upon moving in I was healthy, mentally and physically. Five years later, when moving out I can honestly say I understood depression, anxiety, extreme self-doubt and intense allergies. Okay I know, probably all a coincidence, but I’m telling you I was ‘normal’ before living there and I had a very healthy self-esteem. I was a very messy person moving out and sick all the time. And, ironically many of my allergies have cleared up since moving.
But enough about my health, back to the building: So this brownstone had two levels with six apartments on each level and one apartment in the basement. That apartment, I was told by the landlord, was the site of a suicide, a hanging that had taken place in the back bedroom, I believe to have happened10 years before I moved in. Everyone that lived there was out within a year. These were nice apartments, people stayed, but that particular apartment had a high turnover rate.
Aside from this apartment, the basement also encompasses the laundry room, the fuse box room (what are those called?), the boiler room (insert scary), the landlord’s workroom and two storage rooms---basically there is one long hallway with eight doorways, all with closed doors.
So one breezy, cool summer night…I go down to the basement to retrieve my laundry, and I’m pretty certain that the couple that lives in the basement apartment are not home. No lights were on and I had seen them leave early that evening. While I am folding my clothes I hear this weird noise, as if something has fallen or slid down. A noise that is usually accompanied by a guilty cat. So of course I'm thinking OMIGAWD did Xena find her way home!!!????
OH YEAH I forgot to mention, because I didn’t think it was pertinent to the story, but while living in this apartment I lost my precious cat, Xena.
Okay so, the noise, I’m thinking that Xena found her way home and into the basement. You see under the stairs is the opening to this underground tunnelly-thing that leads to other basements of buildings in the neighborhood and so forth. My other cat went under there once, freaked me out.
So I leave the laundry to look for Xena, because I’m praying that the noise came from her! Well of course I see nothing and then I realize that I'm going to have to start opening doors to search in rooms. And knowing my cat could be in one of the rooms starving, I decide I must do it. Mind you it's 11pm, the building is VERY quiet, I’m in a basement and, of course, it's just begun thundering and lightening out! Yeah. So I'm already freaked...
But I tell myself it’s silly to be scared because the absolutely only thing that could be behind these doors is Xena. I'm pretty calm and I open the door that leads to the fuse boxes for the whole building…hmmmm nothing, but it reaks like gas. Deciding not to get myself worked up over a little gas fumes, I close that door and go to the next: a storage closet that is complete with six separate little closets. Many of these have locks on them so I can't look in them all, but of course I start looking in the open ones, (in my mind I'm getting freaked out, but I'm breathing keeping it together) So then I leave that room and I have three more rooms to check out.
Boom, rustle, tap, tap! And another noise…it's coming from the fuse-box room…UGH I was just in there! The noise is still happening and is sounding similar to a tapping and I'm getting wigged out now for sure.
Well there is this little window in the fuse-box room and of course I'm thinking someone was on the other side! I cannot physically open the door. But then I remember that I noticed my landlord's workroom wasn't locked, like it normally is, so I think “Oh! Of course super hot landlord Ben is working late, hence the noise and the tapping!”
So I mosey onto down to the workroom, and I hear the tapping still and I think oh it must be coming from the room next to the fuse-box room, connected to Ben's workroom, and Ben's in there working away…so I knock on the door. "Hello" I say. I knock again. Nothing…hmm that's not like Ben. He's usually so receptive to my meddling and apartment needs….OH GOD BIG THUNDER ROAR, side note: Poor Kitty. Oh I wish I had found kitty, no instead I'm just scared as hell….
So I open the door. “Hello?” No one. The noise is now more intense. “Hello?” I’m actually in the workroom that has drills, wood saw-things, man-tools, etc. I peer into the connected room, no one, nothing, the noise is more faint now. It’s time to get out of there, but damn that is so not like Ben to leave that room unlocked. I close the door behind me and the lights flicker a bit, I look at the door adjacent to the workroom door, it’s the door for the boiler oom and the padlock is open. “Um Hello?” Nothing, the noise is NOT stopping, and it’s coming from the fuse-box room. I walk back down there. Stupid girl, oh but I do love the drama of it all!
And yet I am genuinly freaked. I open the fuse-box room and I see shadows and freakyness darting from the lighting and window. AAAAAAH!!!!! I run down a hallway, up four flights of stairs, down another hall and into my apartment, I lock all three locks. I stand there, I breath. I think ‘Dam! Xena could be there!!! And I did forget my laundry…..”
Okay so I creep down the back stairs, real slow. I am on the last step of the final stairs the leads into the basement and wooooosh, I hear soemthing, I feel cold, I swear there is a presence, now I run faster than before. Back to my apartment, breathing, freaking, scared. I feel safe, until, I kid you not, within three minutes the building goes black.
There is no power. I’m now in the pitch dark, there is lightening and thundering. I wasn’t happy. Eventually I fumbled for candles and I awaited for more freakiness, but to my chagrin there was none. And all I can think is damn, why couldn’t I have seen a ghost!!!!???
And reflecting on everything I just wrote I have to say prior to moving in to that apartment I really hated Halloween...... hmmmmmmmmm.
Good bye. I love you.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Important-URGENT
Toronto Film Festival Lacking Integrity and NormalitySomething that needs to be said by Jolene…please read ahead.
Casuistry: The Art of Killing a Cat directed by Zev Asher is one of the films chosen to premiere at the Toronto Film Festival Sept. 14. This documentary style film features the three Canadians, Jesse Power, Anthony Wennekers and Matt Kaczorowski, all 20-ish, who, on one Friday night in 2001, made a snuff film about killing a cat.
For 17 minutes, they tormented, tortured, and oh, so, slowly, killed a gentle, striped female cat in a Kensington house. The unlucky pet was later found skinned in a beer fridge.
The snuff film the men made shows that the cat was still alive while she was being skinned and her agony didn’t end until she was finally beheaded. Prior to the skinning the cat’s head was placed in a noose to keep her still while the three men stabbed her in the neck and body while she moaned.
Jesse Power, Anthony Wennekers, and Matt Kaczorowski committed the worst acts of cruelty to an animal in Canadian history, yet got only a slap on the wrist because of Canada's inadequate anti-cruelty legislation.
And now they're starring in a movie at the Toronto Film Festival!
According to an article from the Toronto Sun Times, featured in the August 28, 2004 issue, http://www.canoe.ca/NewsStand/TorontoSun/News/2004/08/28/605840.html , the film’s subject matter is exactly as stated and features interviews with the three monstrous young people who show no remorse.
The article, written by Mike Strobel of the Toronto Sun Times, says that the gist of the film Casuistry stars Jesse Powers, the leader of this grotesque act, proclaiming that the snuff film and what they did to this cat is “art.”
To set the mood of Casuistry, the film opens with scenes from a 1980 "performance art" flick, in which two cats are disemboweled and worn as hats.
[Jesse Powers] speaks first in shadow, then, as he warms to the topic, in full view. His bangs dangle sexily. His eyes toy with the camera. "Man, am I charismatic," they say. "And misunderstood."
Please Do What You Can So This Film Will Not Be Featured at The Festival.
If you find the film and it's airing as objectionable as I do, I URGE you to do what you can! Not only does the airing glorify what has happen, it will only encourage others to do similar, if not worse acts in the future….my instincts tell me that killing a cat won’t be shocking enough for next year’s festival.
So here’s what you can do…
Go to the film festival’s website, http://www.e.bell.ca/filmfest/2004/contactus/default.asp and email them your disgust and concern for them running this film.
Hey I am all about freedom of speech but this is not art, this just glorifies psychotic cruelty and a lack of compassion. These men work for the devil and within in time will be raping woman and killing babies, if they haven’t already… hmmm maybe that's the film they are working on for next year’s festival.You can also visit: http://www.freeanimals.org/ a Toronto based animal rights group that is planning a protest.And finally another thing you can do to protest the airing of The Art of Killing a Cat, email the sponsors of the Festival, listed below: Bell Mobility www.bellmobility.com
CIBC www.cibc.com
DGC-ONTARIO www.dgc.ca
Echo Advertising + Marketing Inc.
Federal Express Canada Ltd www.fedex.com
IFC - The Independent Film Channel www.ifctv.ca
Jackson-Triggs Vintners www.jacksontriggswinery.com
Premiere Magazine www.premiere.com
Sony of Canada Ltd. www.sony.ca
Starbucks Coffee Canada www.starbucks.com
Tanqueray Premium Imported Gin www.tanqueray.com
Toronto Film School www.iaod.com
Zip.ca www.zip.com Thank you so much for your time! I sincerely appreciate it!Let’s protect God’s creatures.
Jolene
Casuistry: The Art of Killing a Cat directed by Zev Asher is one of the films chosen to premiere at the Toronto Film Festival Sept. 14. This documentary style film features the three Canadians, Jesse Power, Anthony Wennekers and Matt Kaczorowski, all 20-ish, who, on one Friday night in 2001, made a snuff film about killing a cat.
For 17 minutes, they tormented, tortured, and oh, so, slowly, killed a gentle, striped female cat in a Kensington house. The unlucky pet was later found skinned in a beer fridge.
The snuff film the men made shows that the cat was still alive while she was being skinned and her agony didn’t end until she was finally beheaded. Prior to the skinning the cat’s head was placed in a noose to keep her still while the three men stabbed her in the neck and body while she moaned.
Jesse Power, Anthony Wennekers, and Matt Kaczorowski committed the worst acts of cruelty to an animal in Canadian history, yet got only a slap on the wrist because of Canada's inadequate anti-cruelty legislation.
And now they're starring in a movie at the Toronto Film Festival!
According to an article from the Toronto Sun Times, featured in the August 28, 2004 issue, http://www.canoe.ca/NewsStand/TorontoSun/News/2004/08/28/605840.html , the film’s subject matter is exactly as stated and features interviews with the three monstrous young people who show no remorse.
The article, written by Mike Strobel of the Toronto Sun Times, says that the gist of the film Casuistry stars Jesse Powers, the leader of this grotesque act, proclaiming that the snuff film and what they did to this cat is “art.”
To set the mood of Casuistry, the film opens with scenes from a 1980 "performance art" flick, in which two cats are disemboweled and worn as hats.
[Jesse Powers] speaks first in shadow, then, as he warms to the topic, in full view. His bangs dangle sexily. His eyes toy with the camera. "Man, am I charismatic," they say. "And misunderstood."
Please Do What You Can So This Film Will Not Be Featured at The Festival.
If you find the film and it's airing as objectionable as I do, I URGE you to do what you can! Not only does the airing glorify what has happen, it will only encourage others to do similar, if not worse acts in the future….my instincts tell me that killing a cat won’t be shocking enough for next year’s festival.
So here’s what you can do…
Go to the film festival’s website, http://www.e.bell.ca/filmfest/2004/contactus/default.asp and email them your disgust and concern for them running this film.
Hey I am all about freedom of speech but this is not art, this just glorifies psychotic cruelty and a lack of compassion. These men work for the devil and within in time will be raping woman and killing babies, if they haven’t already… hmmm maybe that's the film they are working on for next year’s festival.You can also visit: http://www.freeanimals.org/ a Toronto based animal rights group that is planning a protest.And finally another thing you can do to protest the airing of The Art of Killing a Cat, email the sponsors of the Festival, listed below: Bell Mobility www.bellmobility.com
CIBC www.cibc.com
DGC-ONTARIO www.dgc.ca
Echo Advertising + Marketing Inc.
Federal Express Canada Ltd www.fedex.com
IFC - The Independent Film Channel www.ifctv.ca
Jackson-Triggs Vintners www.jacksontriggswinery.com
Premiere Magazine www.premiere.com
Sony of Canada Ltd. www.sony.ca
Starbucks Coffee Canada www.starbucks.com
Tanqueray Premium Imported Gin www.tanqueray.com
Toronto Film School www.iaod.com
Zip.ca www.zip.com Thank you so much for your time! I sincerely appreciate it!Let’s protect God’s creatures.
Jolene
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